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Post: Stole a girls money on picture day.
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Top Comment: Im sure she's still pretty pissed off about it... I'd definitely use caution about fessing up...
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Post: I got hired at McDonalds with the intent of doing the bare minimum and intending on getting fired
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Top Comment: Sounds like they beat you at your own game and they played the long game and won!
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Post: I gave away a bunch of free stuff so I didn't have to deal with customer complaints.
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Top Comment: I hate people. Its one thing to complain but people are such dicks while doing it. If I have to complain about something I still try yo be courteous to the person Im asking. Some people need to be wacked with a bat.
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Post: I'm a psychologist who wasn't able to help one child, and it has broken me
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Top Comment: Is the mother in therapy as well? If she is not seeking counselling odds are that she is sabotaging him without even realizing it.
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Post: [Light] I crashed a brand new Ford Mustang at a test drive event hosted by Ford
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Top Comment: Don't feel too bad, OP. A writer for Jalopnik got kicked out by GM brass after accidentally crashing a new Camaro at an event they were hosting.
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Also- at a Chevrolet dealership I used to be a mechanic at, the kid they hired to be the used car tech smashed a pristine, low-mileage Corvette Z06 that was a former factory demonstrator and GM executive staff car before we got it.
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It was a sad sight. Hood and fenders crunched, aluminum engine cradle bent back into the front of the engine, front suspension completely destroyed. The left front shock was bent back into an L-shape, while the left front wheel hung limply from the lower ball joint- the only thing left holding the wheel to the car.
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That was the last straw- he was fired the next day. We had problems with this kid before. The only reasons he lasted as long as he did was because his family was friends with the service manager's family, and the new general manager was clueless about his prior track record.
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Post: My job is to flirt with guys and make them feel nervous so that my boss can buy their projects for less money.
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Top Comment: This is extremely common in software sales for large systems. Works well, too. Only problem: it's not really a long term career choice...
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Post: I walked 2 miles with half ounce of weed up my butt cheeks.
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Top Comment: Ok i laughed, here have an updoot. 🥳
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Post: I hit a kid on the top of his head as hard as I could
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Top Comment: Unfortunately it's the kid's parents you should have hit hard as fuck. But hey... Life lesson about actions and consequences I suppose.
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Post: I auctioned off my virginity
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Top Comment: So virginity at 18 is a late bloomer...the more you know
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Post: I stole over £1500 in LEGO from Toys'R'Us in 6 months
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Top Comment: How did your parents not notice? That’s a lot of Lego.
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Post: When I worked as a valet as a teenager, I chipped the paint on a $90K car and never reported it. Later when I gave it back to him he tipped me $20…
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Top Comment: I’ve done the same. Was about a decade ago now. Working overnight. Had to bring this ridiculously oversized truck out of a garage with 2cubic feet pillars that were about 8ft high.
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Long story short it was extremely hard to maneuver out of the space and through the pillars. Back side ended up scraping a bit.
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When I returned, the owner wasn’t back yet. I ran in the doorman closet and grabbed some shoe polish. Splotched it on there. Told my foreman at the time.
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Shit you not, 2 weeks go by and the guy calls saying he sees a scrape that looks like someone covered up with a sharpie. He told MOD that we were the best guys he’s valeted with so he was confused. MOD uses his own words against him and said “…if it was one of my guys they for sure would have told me”
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Shout out to my manager that day. Sorry for the truck being little scratched tho.
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Post: I left a job, and then I changed everyone’s passwords.
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Top Comment: I did something like this many years ago. I worked IT for a small local business and the owner who used to be my friend was cool but when his business partner came along, it changed everything. They both were assholes to me. I was 1-man show and when I got a better job, I told the owner that I am resigning. His response: "oh good, it was getting hard to keep paying you."
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No one had my knowledge there and I had remote access to the on-prem server. I deleted all AD accounts and changed the server password and rebooted. This was all done after business hours of course. I knew he would not report me because he ran a debt collection agency and he was stealing A LOT of money from clients to pay for his stripper whores. The business partner did call me but I told him to fuck off. Felt so good.
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Post: Stopped caring at my fast food job, and if you’re nice to me I’ll hook you up with a lot of free food snuck into your order
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Top Comment: My boss once gave a guy extra meat in his lamb sandwich because the dude had a great beard
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Post: I told a guy that my trazodone would get him high so he would leave me alone
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Top Comment: So you roofied a guy before he roofied you. 🫣
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Post: I stole thousands of dollars worth of makeup from Sephora and I regret it
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Top Comment: If it bugs you like that just get rid of the stolen merchandise and move on. If you've changed the behavior the guilt will fade once you aren't confronted with the evidence all around you. Anything that's reusable like bags or clothing you should donate to a shelter, turn it into a Robinhood moment, and let someone who needs it reap the benefits of your bad behavior.
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Post: I bullied someone with 2 “friends” when I was in second grade and I regretted it.
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Top Comment: Being in the fat kids spot, the “I have no friends and people are still picking at me” spot, I can’t help but feel angry towards you. But also forgiving. You see your wrongdoing. You see how you’ve fucked up. And that hurts you just as bad as you hurt that kid. Just know that the rest of life is like this. When you hurt someone you will eventually and inevitably feel this hurt. It sounds like you grew from the experience. God knows he did. I hope you keep growing. I know you will.
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Ps. Don’t beat yourself up over this. We all do stupid things we regret. The point (which I’m sure you’ve figured out) is that kindness spreads itself like wildfire, where ill intent just sets fire to yourself. Cheers mate, you learned something worthwhile.
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Post: when it’s cold enough and smoke comes out when you breath, i still pretend i’m a dragon.
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Top Comment: It’s not smoke but I do the same thing.
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Post: I was mean to a child while at work over 20 years ago and I still think about it
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Top Comment: When I was about 8, I remember this one girl that everyone picked on (and I had contributed a few times). We were in line at lunch and she was ahead of me. It was my birthday that day.
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She looked at me with a big friendly smile and said “hey! It’s your birthday! Go ahead of me!”
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I felt like the biggest piece of shit ever. Hell, right now as I type this, a 24 year old man, I’m tearing up.
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Anyways, OP, I feel like I relate to this a little. I often find myself crying about things like that. Wishing I knew if she was ok now. Hoping that she’s confident and living a better life than she was at the time.
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Post: When I was 10, I vandalised the school bathrooms in red pen and blamed it on someone else.
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Top Comment: Jordan?
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Post: I went to ER with fake name to avoid paying
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Top Comment: You scammed the biggest, most successful scammers in recorded human history. Good on you.
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Post: We are planning a gender reveal for our baby but I know the gender
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Top Comment: As a father of three, I can promise you shutting the hell up is one of the most valuable skills you can learn. There are going to be lots of things you can't or shouldn't say and if you do, the consequences can be dire, ie lost relationships. Take this opportunity to practice. The ability to keep a secret translates into being the dad your kids can come to when they need someone to talk to without fear. It's worth it.
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Edit. Wow. Thanks everyone for the upvotes and awards. Never had any before.
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Post: I had my phone sing me Happy Birthday and cried
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Top Comment: Dead serious, pm me and I'll give you my number and sing Happy Birthday To You.
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Post: I cleaned the family shed and accidentally threw away some very expensive shoes...
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Top Comment: Don't worry my grandpa threw away a 45k lamp and didn't know. Till this day we still laugh about it
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Post: I shat myself
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Top Comment: That's the kind of post that keeps me subscribed here
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Post: I'm a peeping tom but instead of watching I listen and do the deed during
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Top Comment: Sometimes you just gotta vent
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